The Department of Security and Maiming is the primary security Department in the facility (Operations Department personnel are mandated to takeover security operations in the face of existential threats and to pursue security tasks outside the facility, but are not permitted to interfere with day to day activities). It was disbanded following the Vending Machine Rebellion. 


The Department was (possibly re)founded by /u/Exquisiter at some point. During this time the Department was hopelessly understaffed and relatively inneffective. 

Upon Exquisiter's mysterious transformation into a horse and subsequent escape from the facility, Professor Avengier ThanThou, head of the Department of Experimental Experiments , claimed the Department supposedly for the greater good. Under ThanThou's leadership the Department is composed entirely of Vending Machines armed with both conventional and experimental weaponry.

Following the Vending Machine Rebellion the Department was abandoned. The Vending Machines have revived it while seeking forgiveness.


It is the Department's duty to: 

  • Defend the facility
  • Stop any security breaches
  • Announce new security rules
  • Maim all miscreants
  • Enforce the facility's rules